


49. soulless

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [79]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Identity Swap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 11:18:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8054257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: “My name’s Sarah,” says Sarah. “I’m a clone. You’re a clone. Only difference between the two of us is I’m gettin’ paid a lot of money to find you and kill you. Clear?”





	49. soulless

Helena walks into her little white-washed room in the convent to find herself already sitting there.

Or – not herself. But. Her face, with her brown hair, only half of it has been buzzed off and the other half falls sleeker and straighter than Helena could ever get it. The her-who-is-not-her is wearing a leather jacket, combat boots, leather jeans. It takes Helena a very long time to get to her hands. They’re holding a gun. The gun is pointed at Helena.

“In,” says the stranger. She gestures with the gun. Helena goes in.

“Sit,” says the stranger. Helena sits on the bed next to her.

She smells like whiskey and leather, mostly. She puts the gun to Helena’s forehead. Helena starts breathing in little hiccupy breaths through her nose, can’t help it. She doesn’t know this woman, and now she’s going to die.

“Are you gonna pray?” asks the woman with her face, with a sort of feral curiosity.

“Will you let me,” Helena whispers. The woman laughs, takes the gun away.

“I’m just playing!” she says, tapping her shoulder against Helena’s companionably. “You all get so _jumpy_ , yeah? Just havin’ a bit of fun.”

“Who—” Helena starts, and then she stops. “What—” She stops again. _Why do you have my face. How did you get to Ukraine. Why me, why here, why now, why you. Are you British? What do you mean by_ you all _?_

“My name’s Sarah,” says Sarah. “I’m a clone. You’re a clone. Only difference between the two of us is _I’m_ gettin’ paid a lot of money to find _you_ and kill you. Clear?”

“Clones—” Helena starts, and then stops. Her hands are twisting nervously in her lap. “But that’s—” she fumbles for the English word, finds it. “Blasphemy! People made by people, not God. It’s wrong.”

“Then open your mouth,” says Sarah softly. Her finger strokes back and forth on the trigger. “It’ll be quick. I usually make it quick. No point in sufferin’, yeah? Like putting down a dog.”

Helena presses her lips between her teeth, shakes her head mutely. No, no, she does not want to be a dog. Even if she is – inhuman, some terrible soulless thing. Even then. She doesn’t want to die.

Sarah sighs. “Your choice,” she mutters. Laughs dryly to herself. Mutters again, under her breath: “Shoulda just used the rifle.”

“Why didn’t you?” Helena says. “Why here? Why are you telling me these things?”

“I don’t _know_ ,” Sarah says. “Saw you prayin’, couldn’t – couldn’t _do_ it.” She rests her head in her hands. Helena could run, only she knows she wouldn’t make it to the door.

Sarah looks up at her helplessly. “You’re different,” she says. “I dunno why. I’ve been everywhere. France and Canada and England and Spain. You’re just another dead girl walkin’, sis. I dunno why you.”

Something in Helena’s heart thrums, warm and bright. _You’re special. You’re special_. Terrible instinct. There’s nothing special about her, except for the fact that her murderer is sitting on her bed and having a moral crisis about killing her. Of course she is. This is a house of God, isn’t it?

She reaches out and puts her hand on Sarah’s knee. Sarah blinks at it like it’s a foreign object. “Sarah,” Helena says, only she doesn’t know what to say next so she just says it again. “Sarah.”

“Stop,” Sarah says, shaking her head. “Don’t. I’ve got a daughter to look after, I’ve got a family. It’s you or them.”

Helena doesn’t take her hand off Sarah’s knee. Sarah doesn’t knock it off.

“Turn around,” Helena whispers. “Just for a second. When you look back, I won’t be there. Like a magic trick.”

“No,” Sarah says, shaking her head faster now. “They’ll know.”

“Tell them I died,” Helena whispers, more urgently. “You used the rifle. I fell, and did not get back up. You get your money. Please, Sarah. I don’t want to die.”

Sarah looks up, and looks at her. Her eyes are shinybright with unshed tears. “Shit,” she whispers. She looks down at the pistol, and then reaches up and angrily scrubs tears from her eyes. “Go. You have ten seconds and then I’m firing.”

On an instinct Helena doesn’t know she reaches out and crushes Sarah to her in a hug. Sarah shudders, breathing shaky and panicked and full of tears, and presses her forehead to Helena’s.

“Pray for me,” she whispers.

“Always,” Helena says emphatically. “Forever.”

“Three,” Sarah says, and then “two,” and by the time she’s reached zero Helena is out the door and gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


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